Catch and Release

I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy, but I am totally weird. I don't know how normal people do it, being all casual about relationships. I'm not casual. I pretend to be casual, I tell my friends I'm casual, but I'm not casual. I stress and I worry and I ponder and I reflect and every little thing that happens means something big. It's a constant effort to pretend I'm happy to just go with the flow. I hate when relationships aren't defined. When they're not defined, they can slip away at any second. I'm afraid of that.

Is this too honest?

I told my friends last night that I wasn't very stressed about the fact that Gilbert hasn't emailed me in a little over a week. I explained it by saying that I hadn't even met him yet - only a crazy person (or someone very very weird) would obsess over a guy she hasn't even met yet. And, to my credit, I really don't think I'm obsessing. But that's the only truth in what I shared with my friends last night.

For the record, I didn't lie intentionally. I think I just told them what I wanted to believe about myself. The truth is, though, I do think about it. Every day that goes by without an email from him makes me a little disappointed. As it gets further and further away from his last email, I lose a little more hope. I try to resign myself to the fact that I must have said something wrong or shown too much of my personality too soon and he's written me off. I tell myself that's okay and that there are other fish in the sea. I remind myself that I have a date with one such fish. Tomorrow.

Go fishing, girl. Forget this guy.

But I think he's pretty great, and I don't really want to forget him. So I was very pleased, more than I'd like to admit, when I checked my email today and found the following message from Gilbert:

;) thinking about ya, just don't have the time to thumb out an email yet.

That's all I needed. I'm good now. Crazy? No, not crazy... definitely weird, though...