Futile Attraction

I've forgotten what it's like to have a crush. I don't know if I crush the same way every woman crushes or if I go a little overboard, but I have a feeling I'm pretty hardcore. Go big or go home, right? Right. I think I have a crush on Gilbert. In the past week I have been guilty of all of the following:

• He told me what neighbourhood he lives in. I google mapped it and calculated how long it would take to get there from my house.
• I find every word he writes adorable. He told me that he bought running shoes the other day and it made me sigh like a little girl. I don't even run.
• I showed his profile to my mom. For the record, she thinks he's very special.
• I had a daydream yesterday wherein he came back from the Czech Republic and before he even had a chance to tell me he was home, we ran into each other at a pub. He was even hotter in person.

He was supposed to come back to Canada this past Friday. A few days before the fateful day, he emailed to say that his return had been delayed. He won't be coming home until June 8. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little frustrated. I just want to meet him already! I don't like growing closer and closer to someone I haven't met in person.

For the record, I have good reason for this. About five years ago, I met a guy online. Through myspace, actually, which was very uncharacteristic of me, but he was creative and interesting and totally hot. So we started emailing each other - a two or three pager every single day for months. We spoke on skype a few times and he had a very normal sounding voice. We talked for hours and hours and I loved it. He made me laugh. He got me.

We finally agreed that we should meet. He took a train all the way from New York City and I met him at the train station. The moment I saw him in person, though, all my hopes of a whirlwind romance were crushed. I just wasn't attracted to him. He looked exactly like he did in his pictures, but there was something in the way that he stood or carried himself that I just didn't like. We spent the next ten days together in complete agony. It was horrible.

I need to be attracted to the man with whom I will share my life. This may sound superficial, but it's true. And yes, there have been guys who became more attractive to me as I got to know their personalities, and yes, I believe attraction can grow; but I really do think that, for the most part, you can pretty much tell right away. It's either there or it's not.

So all this to say that I want to meet Gilbert because I want to see if I'm actually attracted to him. And if I'm not, I don't want to waste any more time. I suppose I could find in him a good friend, but in all honesty, I'm not in the market for any more male friends. The ones I have are enough. It may seem cold, but it's the truth.

In other news, Broker and I are most likely meeting this coming Thursday. Drinks: time and place to be determined. Every email I get from him makes me a little less interested in him, which is unfortunate. Maybe it's just that I'm becoming more and more interested in Gilbert? I don't think it's only that. Broker seems to be hungover a lot. I enjoy a drink just as much as the next person, but I'm not really into habitual hangovers. I'm getting too old for that shit.

Also, there's a new guy. A comedian. He's funny and cool and I think I'd probably enjoy going out with him, but I'm not feeling there's much by way of commonalities between us that would make things work in the long run. At any rate, I'm enjoying talking to him for the time being. And he said the other day that receiving an email from me makes him smile. I liked that.

So the journey continues. I'm trying to keep my eggs in many baskets, but it's hard when one of the baskets seems so much nicer than the rest...

Let's Pwn Those Newbs!

So if you haven't guessed by the huge gap between this entry and the last, things have slowed down a little. After messing things up with Frenchie, and after the catastrophic Security Guard date, I decided to step back and reconsider my approach. I changed my profile a bit. I took out some content and added some pictures. I remarketed myself. I relearned to boil an egg... and slowly but surely, things started to happen. Guys who I actually found attractive began to email me. Two, in fact, have particularly caught my interest, and I've been emailing them both for a couple weeks now. Allow me to introduce you:

First, let's meet Gilbert. That's not his name, that's his lizard's name (or at least it was until he found out the lizard was a girl... then he changed it to Gilberta). His first message to me was very straightforward. In my profile I mention one of my favourite places to walk, so he messaged me, said that he lives near there, and suggested we go for a walk sometime. This caught me off guard a little - I've gotten pretty used to the unwritten rules of The Site, and one of them is that you email each other a bit first before you agree to meet in person. But I thought about it, and decided that it's just as much a crap shoot either way, and I had nothing to lose by going for it. So with a witty reply email, I agreed that a walk would be a great idea.

Problem is, he's in the Czech. That's right, the Czech Republic. He's there on business. Turns out he'll be there until May 28, so we've ended up having quite a bit of time to get to know each other pre-date. His emails are great. We seem to share a lot of the same interests, and he has mentioned that he plays the guitar, which we all know is a big bonus for me. And for the record, he has put a handful of pictures up on his profile, and he looks totally cute. So that's pretty exciting. I look forward to seeing where this'll go...

The second e-man, for the purposes of this blog, will be dubbed Broker. He's not actually an insurance broker, but he does work for an insurance company, and I just think that'd be a pretty cool name. Maybe I'll name my first son Broker. It sounds solid.

So Broker was a bit of a hard nut to crack. He did seem interested at first, but he was kind of shy. He could carry a conversation enough to keep it going - he would ask at least a couple questions per email - but his questions were always rather dull and uninspiring. At least, they didn't make me excited to talk to him. It almost got to the point where I didn't want to bother anymore, but I guess that's the point when you can pull out all the stops and allow magic to happen.

I asked him to tell me a story; one that would teach me something about the person that he is. I know it's kind of an unfair question - it's pretty tough to summarize your whole persona into one anecdote - but I asked it of him anyway. And he responded. He responded well. He told me a story about a time when he borrowed his parents' car in university and the plates got stolen. It wasn't so much the story that impressed me as it was the fact that he stepped up. And for some reason, after that story email, his whole demeanor changed. He was a bit more confident, a bit more warm, a bit more real. I liked it.

So he asked for a story back, and that's when I realized what a difficult task it was that I had given him. I finally settled on a story about the first canoe trip I ever went on. It was long (I'm sure you've all figured out by now that I can be rather long-winded), but he seemed to like it. At least, he liked it enough to ask me out! I got an email from him tonight, asking if I'd be interested in going out for a drink or something. For a guy who lists "shy" on his profile as one of his characteristics, I'm kind of flattered, impressed and excited that he's wanting to pursue me. I will respond tonight in the affirmative, we'll choose a day for the date, and I'll keep you posted.

There's also another guy, but I'm not so sure about him. Let's call him Face: I made the first contact because I thought he was hot in his pictures. Shameless, I know. But he also seemed pretty cool, and he mentioned a couple things in his profile that resonated with me. So I sent him an email. Thing is, he spells the word "through" like "threw," and the word "know" like "no." Now for the record, I am totally happy to befriend poor spellers. I ignore the spelling mistakes of my friends (for the most part) and certainly don't let them change my opinion of them. But I'm really having a hard time getting past it in this one guy. He also spelled "sporadic" wrong, but really, who spells "sporadic" on a regular basis? He can't really be blamed for that. I don't know why it's bugging me so much. I made up a story in the shower this morning about what it would be like if we ended up dating, and how he would react if I made up a song to remind him how to spell the word "through." Then, of course, I proceeded to make up the song. It's pretty good, actually. Maybe I'll use it in my English class...

After rereading that last paragraph, I'm really not all that shocked that I'm still single. Oh gosh...

So anyway, that's what's going on. Those are the newbies: Gilbert, Broker, and Face. I promise, I'll write far more frequently now that I've got some fodder. Maybe even sooner than you think, if all goes well!