Saving the World, Adult Style

I got a call from an old friend yesterday. It was a wonderful surprise and a very enjoyable conversation, but it was also rather strange. He and I were friends in university. We were in some of the same classes, so our study time and spare time was spent together. I lived off campus, so I became an honorary member of the male townhouse residences. We were virtually inseparable throughout all of our first year. He knew me.

Well, he knew Teenager Me. I can't believe it's really been that long, but it has. Almost a decade.

We started our conversation with the catch-up. In about five minutes I outlined everything that I'd been up to for the past nine years. I feel like I'm the same person that I was back then, back when he knew me, but I'm not. And that's weird.

It made me think about who Adult Me really is. I think Adult Me is more open-minded, she's certainly more of a critical thinker, and she seems much more comfortable in her own skin. The biggest thing, though, is that Adult Me knows a lot less than Teenager Me. What I mean by that is this: As a teenager, I was pretty sure I'd figured everything out. I was certain of my faith, I was certain about my life decisions and why I was making them, I was certain about what was "right" in the world and what was "wrong."

I'm not certain about that stuff anymore. I'm not saying that I'm living in doubt, but I'm much more aware of the fact that there's JUST SO MUCH that I don't know. And I think I kinda like that. It's scary at times, knowing that things like my faith are just that -- faith -- but at the same time, there's something so truthful about being able to admit that I can't give you a mathematical equation or a scientific explanation to prove something so above my head. It's frustrating and beautiful and when I just let it be true, there's freedom in it.

And I still have a long way to go. That conversation with my friend really challenged me... I'm sure he has no idea how much. One thing I've been thinking about is that love is important. To me. To my faith. Love is the most important thing. Not the romantic gushy kind, the agape kind, the unconditional love for the world kind.

I want to do something.

I want to volunteer somewhere. I've got to find a way to give back to the world, to make it a better place. There are many possible outlets for me to do this, but I want to find one that I really enjoy. One that I feel comfortable doing and can do over and over and over again. Is that selfish? I guess it totally is, but I'm kind of hoping that if I can find an outlet that brings me real joy, I'll stick with it. And I'd like to stick with it. Any ideas?

I wish I could ask Teenager Me. She'd totally know. At least, she'd think she did...