The Men

So I've got to say, if a woman really wants to be successful in this online dating thing, I think she would be wise to hire a personal assistant. Writing and responding to emails, organizing dates, keeping names straight... that right there is a full-time job.

As of right now, I've got four and a half men in my life. The half is a half because the jury's still out on whether he thinks I'm wonderful or just wants to be friends. I wish he'd make up his mind already and either fall in love with me or move along. I don't have time for this halfway business. But anyway, he's in and out, so he must be introduced. Let's call him... Skater... in honour of our first date. (Just to clear up any confusion, we went ice skating - he didn't teach me how to ollie).

Then there's The Illustrator. We went on a date a couple weeks ago. He's just barely keeping in contact enough for me to feel like I can't cut him loose, but he's not really working for it either. Maybe he's also a half. Maybe three quarters? I enjoyed the date for the most part, other than the fact that he talked about himself the whole time. Not even a "...and how about you?" For the record, guys, we women are looking for men who are interested in us - that includes the things we have to say.

Next comes The Architect. He seems alright for the most part. Told a joke about sex in his very first email which was a bit of a turn-off for me (it's really unfortunate how fine a line there is between charming and repulsive) but I chose to look past it and see if he had more to him. He asked me out in an email yesterday. Plans aren't solid yet, but stay tuned...

Then there's The Security Guard. This guy is eager, it's clear, but he also has absolutely no idea how to carry on a conversation. The Site has an IM function that we've been using recently, and at some moments it's been just plain painful. I'm hoping things will be much more natural in person.

And finally, my favourite thus far, Frenchie (so named because he is... French, that is). I like him. He's intelligent, he's witty, he's got a good job, he makes me laugh... and he informed me tonight that he shouldn't have come on to me so strongly because he's leaving in a matter of weeks and will be gone the whole summer.

I don't really know what to do with this information. Is it all just a lie to get out of communication with me? I've been wrong about this in the past, but I'm willing to bet this guy isn't trying to back out. So do I just stop talking to him because the timing is wrong? Do we continue to email? That can be nothing but trouble - any two people can fall in love with each other's words. I guess maybe we need to meet before he leaves? But I've mentioned in previous blogs my desire to have the man initiate the first meeting...

Oh, golly... See??? If I had a personal assistant, my people could contact his people and just set something up. Maybe a nice light lunch. As it is, I have to sit here waiting for him to ask me out whilst juggling all these other guys whose names I still can't keep straight.

Yup, it's a hard life out there in the dating world. Certainly not for the faint of heart...

Gonads and Gender Roles

It's interesting (and kind of adorable) how scared men are to ask a woman out. I think it's funny, though, that this fear extends into the world of online dating. I mean, here we are, all on this site, with the common goal of finding a partner. Asking someone out is kind of a required step.

The Security Guard finally asked me out last night. We've been talking for a few weeks now. I have to say, he's not the greatest communicator, but he hasn't done anything to scare me away yet, so in the spirit of openness I'm still on board. It was funny the way he did it though. At the end of another of his mediocre emails he wrote the following:

"So I was wondering if you would be cool getting together sometime, maybe grab dinner and/or drinks or catch a movie or whatever, just something to get to know each other better... anyways, no pressure but just a thought."

I wonder if there's any way we could make it easier on these guys. Maybe we could create a standard form, or even have a "date request" button so they don't have to go through the agony of suggesting dinner/drinks/movie without sounding lame. I think it's a good idea - I might pitch it to The Site.

And then there are the guys who don't even have the awkward bravery of The Security Guard. Take Frenchie, for example. We've been talking for a couple weeks and it's wonderful. We joke, we flirt (a bit), and we have many common interests to discuss. But sooner or later we're going to run out of email fodder. A date, or at least a phone conversation, is very necessary to ensure that this relationship doesn't fizzle. Frenchie will tease about whisking me away to Salzburg (which he can totally do - he happens to be a pilot) but he doesn't even consider asking me to the weekend film festival that we've been recently discussing.

For the record, I would totally go.

Which brings me to my final point of contention in online dating (well, at least as far as this blog is concerned): I could do the asking. I'm certainly capable, and I've got the guts. Thing is, I've noticed that the men on these sites seem to feel a little emasculated when a woman grabs the reins. If a woman is too bold, the man feels like his role has been taken away. This is silly. Silly, but I suppose I kind of get it...

Because, in all honesty, I really want to be pursued. In my sordid past I have convinced far too many men to be interested in me. I have sought them out, made it easy for them, and finally, once I have virtually forced them to get to know me, they have realized that I'm pretty alright. I don't want to do that again. I want a man who sees my value from the start. I want a man who wants me, and is willing to go through a little humiliation (or at least an awkward first date proposition) to get me. I want to be worth the work.

And So It Began...

Let me just lay it all out there from the start. I'm 27. I'm a woman. I'm single. This last truth and the journey surrounding it is the real reason this blog came to be. You see, my married friends assure me that my singleness is not a disease. In fact, they have come up with the greatest way of justifying their efforts towards finding me a man:

"If you were a good teacher but weren't teaching, that would be an injustice. You're a good lover - we need to see you loving."

And it's true, I am a good lover. I have my flaws, but I also have a lot to bring to the table. Which is why, perhaps, the marrieds seem to be holding on to this mission; maybe, just maybe, a mate for this girl is an attainable prospect.

Their recent attempt is both flattering and humbling. I have become their sponsor child. I will become an active member of an online dating site for six months and they will pay for it. They seem to be fairly certain that Mr. Right is not only handsome and charming, but also relatively computer savvy.

I've been on The Site for two full months now, meeting more men than I know what to do with and going on more dates than I ever thought possible. It's been quite an adventure so far, but there are a few problems.

First, as the marrieds are paying for this adventure, naturally they expect a report every once in a while regarding my progress. This would be fine, but they never seem to ask me at the same time, resulting in about five re-tellings of each date that I experience. As much as I love to talk about my adventures (and, admittedly, equally, to hear my own voice), it gets a little tedious on or around recount number four.

Second, it's not just my sponsors who take joy in the tales of my sordid love life. I have close friends all over the country, marrieds and singles, with whom I want to share my life.

Solution: BLOG.

I've never had an official blog before, but what better reason to start? So here's the deal. I will keep a blog, updating it as often as my schedule allows, highlighting the ups and downs of this quest for a mate. For the sake of the privacy of those I mention, I'll be making up the name of the dating web site (The Site) as well as other relevant names such as those of my suitors.

I hope this blog will serve to enrich your life in some way. If you count yourself among the marrieds, perhaps you can live vicariously through me (and please feel free, by the way, to tell me often that I should cherish this time of carefree singleness). If you count yourself among the singles, perhaps you will find yourself relating to some of my tales. You may even have a better story to share. Or maybe you'll read just to know that you're not alone; because sometimes we all need to be reminded of that.

So here it is, my first blog. Hopefully in these entries it will become clear how one woman can find love: TOGETHER.